Ask Present Professor: The Mother-In-Law

Susan asks:

What do you get a 79 yr old Jewish mother-in-law who opens her gift and says: “Oh, thank you. I hope you saved the receipt, because I can’t imagine that I would ever use this.”?

I’m somewhat close to this subject, as my mother has an 89-year-old Jewish mother-in-law (that would be my grandmother) who often rejects the items purchased for her. Sometimes I think that not only is Grandma difficult to please, but that she finds some sort of passive/aggressive joy in her rejection of a gift. A few ideas for you:

1. Give her a nice new picture frame with a current photo of her grandchildren. If she complains she has too many pictures, say, “We wanted you to have some new photos to enjoy. They’re growing up so fast, aren’t they?” An alternate suggestion would be to buy an inexpensive digital picture frame and pre-load it with pictures–making it harder to return.

2. Ask her flat out what she would like. “I know you have very specific tastes, ma. Is there anything you’ve been eyeing this year?”

3. Does she enjoy getting her nails or hair done? A specific type of food or restaurant? If there’s a restaurant she likes very much, arrange to treat her to lunch or a manicure

Overall, though, I’d say there are some people who you can never please–and of course, these are the people whose gifts we sweat the most about. Whatever you do buy your mother-in-law, don’t make yourself nuts trying to find exactly the right item. It likely does not exist.