If we lived in a land of giants, you could give this enormous fortune cookie to a friend and he’d be all, “What’s the big deal about this? It’s not even as big as my thumb. Ho ho ho.” And you’d be all, “I thought only Santa Claus said ‘ho ho ho’” and he’d be all, “No. Giants say it too. It’s the Green Giant’s trademark phrase.”

Thankfully, we do not live amongst giants–but I am equally thankful to live amongst these really big fortune cookies.

My New Philosophy body wash smells like pumpkin spice muffins. . . which is good, because I really like the smell of pumpkin spice muffins, but also bad, because now I really want a pumpkin spice muffin and I don’t have one.

Salt and Playtime salt and pepper shakers. For those who like well-seasoned foods. And childhood. And, to a lesser extent, Sarah Palin or anyone with the same initials as Sarah Palin.

Hey, did you steal that title from a third season episode of the Brady Bunch?

Uh, yeah. Greg didn’t have enough “dough” to rent a studio to record his really groovy song “We Can Make the World a Whole Lot Brighter.”

Maybe that’s because he spent all his dough on this bread.
I think we’ve exhausted the [...]

My sister and I have this little joke: I find out she’s throwing a party to which I’m not invited, and I call her and tell her I’m busy that night. Then, on the actual night of the wine tasting or football-watching gathering or bbq, she has a great time with her friends and I [...]

Remember in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, when Willy Wonka had that lickable wallpaper that really tasted like fruit when you licked it? Yeah, this beef bandage assortment is just like that, only it’s meat instead of fruit. And it’s bandages instead of wallpaper. And if you lick one, it won’t actually taste like [...]