Do it yourself blood-typing test kit.

Just add blood.

Yes, really.

$8.99 at Think Geek.

Imagine it’s Christmas Eve, and you’re on your way to a big family dinner, but you’ve been too busy to buy presents because you’re a neurobiologist at Columbia and you’ve been studying proton transfers in the frontal lobe all week. (OK, so maybe there was a little too much back story.) You have an hour to shop. Go. (To kill two birds with one stone, I’ve selected items that are also available on Amazon.com, where you can order through today and still use free super-saver shipping to get your items by December 24.)

1. For Mom, Sis, Cousin Barbara, Unnamed woman with parched hands. . . pamper ‘em all with items from Burt’s Bees — this particular hand care set includes lemon-butter cuticle cream, almond-milk beeswax hand cream, a pair of restorative treatment gloves and a mini-book about hand care. Bees not included, which is good, ’cause, you know, they sting, and honey is sticky, and live bees just don’t make good gifts. ($8.95)

2. For Dad, Aunt Carol, that dude who always has corn in his teeth. . . the Oral B Triumph 9900 Toothbrush with Smart Guide (SRP: $149.99 Amazon:$104.99). This toothbrush eats other toothbrushes for dinner–then brushes its teeth with itself. If Dale Earnhardt Jr. drove a toothbrush instead of a race car, he’d be driving this toothbrush. We’re talking 40,000 in-and-out pulsations a minute. A remote display that shows you how long to brush in each quadrant of your mouth. A sensor to tell you when you’re brushing too hard. And you thought it couldn’t get any better than mint-flavored floss.

3. For anyone who ever gets cold: college students, parents, siblings, grand uncles, misplaced warm-weather penguins. . . Meet the plush throw blanket, my friends. As ubiquitous as it is useful–who doesn’t want an extra blankie to cuddle up with on the couch? Target has them. So does KMart, Kohl’s, Walmart, Macy’s, Bed Bath and Beyond, and just about every other store. In fact, if Gimbel’s hadn’t gone out of business in 1987, they’d be world renowned for their plush throw blankets. I love my Pinzon Microtec Throw from Amazon ($9.99). But you can’t have it. Buy your own!

4. For the young ones, consider some board games. Now, at first they’ll be confused and try to stuff those little Monopoly houses into their Wii consoles. And don’t be surprised if a 3-year-old loses at Chutes and Ladders and calls it an “epic fail.” But nonetheless, this is a great time to introduce your kids (or someone else’s) to games that require no batteries, chargers, or fake guitars, and that can be played over and over again. Games like Cranium Cadoo ($9.99) encourage friendly competition and creative play.

So I’m finally at the register, ready to buy my generic cough medicine and what is now $4,000 worth of gifts for my imaginary neurobiologist to give her imaginary family. One thing that’s not imaginary: The clock. It’s ticking–one week of shopping left!

Disney Sing It lets your little (or not so little. . . I have to admit I love the Disney pop music) Disney Channel fan rock out with the likes of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, the Jonas Brothers, the High School Musical cast, Jesse McCartney, the Cheetah Girls and even a Billy Ray Cyrus song. And no, it’s not Achey Breaky Heart.

You’ll hear the actual artists singing their tunes (unlike many karaoke games) along with movie and concert clips. You sing along while the lyrics play at the bottom of the screen, along with a scale of bars and an indicator to let you know if you’re hitting the right pitch.

Available for the Wii, Playstation, or Xbox ($59.99 bundled with microphone) at Amazon.com and most gaming and retail stores.

Want it? You can enter to win it (for Playstation 3). Right here. Because The Present Professor rules. Embrace it. And then leave a comment below telling us who your child’s (or your) favorite Disney pop star is. We’ll choose a winner at random on Saturday 12/20 at 11:59 pm ET.

Contest is now ended.

2. Sock Monkey Slippers ($14.99, Target)

3. Gift Box of 10 Sock Monkey Cards ($25 at Etsy)
Choose from the SockMonkeyCards store’s numerous designs. (If the gift box isn’t available, contact the seller–they will likely relist it for you.)

4. Sock Monkey Dreams: Daily Life at the Red Heel Monkey Shelter ($10.17, Amazon)
Humorous account of the life and times of various sock monkey characters

5. Original Sock Monkey Toy ($14.99 at ThinkGeek)

Be sure to check out the rest of our Gift Lists.

1. Dirty Dancing Wall Calendar ($11.19, Amazon)

2. Facts of Life: Complete First and Second Seasons ($19.99, Best Buy)
Did you know? Kim Fields, the actress who played Tootie, wore roller skates the entire first season to give her height–she was much shorter than all of the other girls. Did you care? No? Well, then, this box set–which comes in a collectible lunch box exclusive to Best Buy, a store too lazy to put an actual picture of said lunch box on their Web site–is not for you. But it may be for your sister, girlfriend, wife, neighbor (if your neighbor happens to be Mindy Cohn), etc.

3. Here’s the Story: Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice by Maureen McCormick ($17.13, Amazon)
Poor kid. Thrown out of Romeo and Juliet. . . hit in the nose with a football. . . made false promises to book Davy Jones for the prom. . . and that was just in front of the screen.

4. The Cure: 4:13 Dream ($11.49, Amazon)
OK, in all honesty, my sister probably hasn’t even heard of The Cure. The point is, everything old is still old, but releasing new CDs. (Kids, back in the day, we called them “albums.”) Other resurrected acts: AC/DC, Manheim Steamroller, John Mellencamp, and Metallica.

5. Puzzle Cube Alarm Clock ($19.99, Think Geek)
They have to call it “puzzle cube” instead of “Rubik’s cube” because of copyright issues. Kind of like when you buy generic cough syrup, and it’s just called “Tussin.”

Be sure to check out the rest of our Gift Lists.

1. Xbox 360 Cooling Station ($29.99)
For avid gamers who never give their system a break, this cooling station will keep your console properly ventilated. And it glows a really cool green color.

2. Rock Throne Drum Stool ($29.99)
For the Rock Band or Guitar Hero superstar in your life, this drum stool will keep them jamming in comfort. Also consider the Rock Band Drum Silencers ($19.99) because that tap-tap-tapping can get kinda annoying.

3. Boompod Audio Chair (on sale now at Target for $35.00)
This gaming chair has a “rounded bottom for multi-directional tilt” and ports to plug in your gaming system and/or iPod / mp3 player / CD player. It’s kinda like sitting on an exercise ball – work on your balance and your abs while you game!

4. If you have a female gamer on your gift list, head over to Jinx for a large selection of gaming-themed T-shirts. There’s also a great selection of T’s for men, as well as keychains, stickers, hats, and even, um, panties.

5. Etsy also has a number of gamer-themed gifts. Check out some of these stocking-stuffers:

• For the old-timer, Space Invaders Fridge Magnets ($9.99)
• Playstation 3 Controller Tree Ornament ($25.00)
• Xbox 360 Necklace ($15.00)

Of course, you can always just get a game for your gamer. And we’ve got two to give away! Two lucky commenters will win Spectrobes: Beyond the Portals for Nintendo DS. Just leave a comment below. If you want 2 extra entries, subscribe to our RSS feed – and be sure to let us know in your comment that you subscribed!

This contest is now closed.

Be sure to check out the rest of our Gift Lists.

Because, let’s face it, people. Most of us are slobs. Muffin-loving slobs. Muffin-loving, Internet-surfing slobs. Now, give your muffin-loving slobby friend a USB keyboard vac. You plug it directly into your laptop, making it portable, practical, and perfect for stuffing into stockings. And also, for removing stuffing from in between the keys on your keyboard.

2. Sesame Street Old School, Volume 2, $26.99. Picture it: 1974-79. Mr. Hooper is still alive. Elmo has yet to be formed out of a devilish blaze of red felt. Richard Pryor reinterprets the alphabet. And Fonzie and Richie Cunningham brush their teeth.

3. Nick & Nora footie pajamas, $24.99 at Target.

4. The Wild Planet Spy Gear Spyfire, $14.99, can shoot foam darts up to 25 feet via remote control–or, if you’d like, convert it to a handheld and go all Terminator with your bad self.

5. Lip Smackers lip gloss, under $5 (click here for stores) in fun flavors like cotton candy and Cherry Coke. Because you totally want to look your best for that hottie in your Spanish class.

The coffee brews directly into a travel mug, perfect for those 8:30 classes. Add a pound of coffee to sweeten the deal.

By the way, hearing the term “Brew and Go” totally makes me think of The Sound of Music. You know, in Edelweiss, when Captain Von Trapp sings, “Blossom of snow, may you brew and go? Brew and go forever.” Oh, wait. That was “bloom and grow.” Live and learn. And do click on that Sound of Music link to watch a YouTube video of John Denver and Julie Andrews in a rare duet.

2. iPod Shuffle, $50

Yes, they may already have a bigger, prettier iPod. But these lil’ guys are great for working out and traveling.

3. Darts! Calendar 2009, $10.19

With magnetic darts and 12 different boards (one for each month, see?).

4. The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2008 , $11.20

Collection of news stories, fiction, police blotters, and more hidden gems of writing.

5. Pail of 6 Christmas chocolate-covered fortune cookies, $12.50

Non-Christmas options also available.