Vosges chocolate was at the forefront of the ongoing (and wonderful) bacon renaissance, and they continue to innovate. This year, there’s   bacon chocolate chip mix ($12), bacon caramel toffee (also $12), a flying chocolate pig ($8), and a $62 gift set. Original Mo’s Bacon Bars, in milk and dark chocolate, are $7.50. Mini bars are available for $2.50. Mix and match 6 bars for $12.50. Stack ‘em, wrap ‘em in a ribbon, and give them to your                                                                         foodie friend. Sweet.

Because, you know, he may want some.

Cooks Corner Silicone Pig Pot Holder, $5.26 at Amazon.  (Other animals $9.99)

EDIT: The pig is currently out of stock, but the cow is available for the same price. Moo.

This might just be the thing that gets you kids back together. That, and a favorable parole board hearing.

Imagine it’s Christmas Eve, and you’re on your way to a big family dinner, but you’ve been too busy to buy presents because you’re a neurobiologist at Columbia and you’ve been studying proton transfers in the frontal lobe all week. (OK, so maybe there was a little too much back story.) You have an hour to shop. Go. (To kill two birds with one stone, I’ve selected items that are also available on Amazon.com, where you can order through today and still use free super-saver shipping to get your items by December 24.)

1. For Mom, Sis, Cousin Barbara, Unnamed woman with parched hands. . . pamper ‘em all with items from Burt’s Bees — this particular hand care set includes lemon-butter cuticle cream, almond-milk beeswax hand cream, a pair of restorative treatment gloves and a mini-book about hand care. Bees not included, which is good, ’cause, you know, they sting, and honey is sticky, and live bees just don’t make good gifts. ($8.95)

2. For Dad, Aunt Carol, that dude who always has corn in his teeth. . . the Oral B Triumph 9900 Toothbrush with Smart Guide (SRP: $149.99 Amazon:$104.99). This toothbrush eats other toothbrushes for dinner–then brushes its teeth with itself. If Dale Earnhardt Jr. drove a toothbrush instead of a race car, he’d be driving this toothbrush. We’re talking 40,000 in-and-out pulsations a minute. A remote display that shows you how long to brush in each quadrant of your mouth. A sensor to tell you when you’re brushing too hard. And you thought it couldn’t get any better than mint-flavored floss.

3. For anyone who ever gets cold: college students, parents, siblings, grand uncles, misplaced warm-weather penguins. . . Meet the plush throw blanket, my friends. As ubiquitous as it is useful–who doesn’t want an extra blankie to cuddle up with on the couch? Target has them. So does KMart, Kohl’s, Walmart, Macy’s, Bed Bath and Beyond, and just about every other store. In fact, if Gimbel’s hadn’t gone out of business in 1987, they’d be world renowned for their plush throw blankets. I love my Pinzon Microtec Throw from Amazon ($9.99). But you can’t have it. Buy your own!

4. For the young ones, consider some board games. Now, at first they’ll be confused and try to stuff those little Monopoly houses into their Wii consoles. And don’t be surprised if a 3-year-old loses at Chutes and Ladders and calls it an “epic fail.” But nonetheless, this is a great time to introduce your kids (or someone else’s) to games that require no batteries, chargers, or fake guitars, and that can be played over and over again. Games like Cranium Cadoo ($9.99) encourage friendly competition and creative play.

So I’m finally at the register, ready to buy my generic cough medicine and what is now $4,000 worth of gifts for my imaginary neurobiologist to give her imaginary family. One thing that’s not imaginary: The clock. It’s ticking–one week of shopping left!

2. Sock Monkey Slippers ($14.99, Target)

3. Gift Box of 10 Sock Monkey Cards ($25 at Etsy)
Choose from the SockMonkeyCards store’s numerous designs. (If the gift box isn’t available, contact the seller–they will likely relist it for you.)

4. Sock Monkey Dreams: Daily Life at the Red Heel Monkey Shelter ($10.17, Amazon)
Humorous account of the life and times of various sock monkey characters

5. Original Sock Monkey Toy ($14.99 at ThinkGeek)

Be sure to check out the rest of our Gift Lists.

1. Dirty Dancing Wall Calendar ($11.19, Amazon)

2. Facts of Life: Complete First and Second Seasons ($19.99, Best Buy)
Did you know? Kim Fields, the actress who played Tootie, wore roller skates the entire first season to give her height–she was much shorter than all of the other girls. Did you care? No? Well, then, this box set–which comes in a collectible lunch box exclusive to Best Buy, a store too lazy to put an actual picture of said lunch box on their Web site–is not for you. But it may be for your sister, girlfriend, wife, neighbor (if your neighbor happens to be Mindy Cohn), etc.

3. Here’s the Story: Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice by Maureen McCormick ($17.13, Amazon)
Poor kid. Thrown out of Romeo and Juliet. . . hit in the nose with a football. . . made false promises to book Davy Jones for the prom. . . and that was just in front of the screen.

4. The Cure: 4:13 Dream ($11.49, Amazon)
OK, in all honesty, my sister probably hasn’t even heard of The Cure. The point is, everything old is still old, but releasing new CDs. (Kids, back in the day, we called them “albums.”) Other resurrected acts: AC/DC, Manheim Steamroller, John Mellencamp, and Metallica.

5. Puzzle Cube Alarm Clock ($19.99, Think Geek)
They have to call it “puzzle cube” instead of “Rubik’s cube” because of copyright issues. Kind of like when you buy generic cough syrup, and it’s just called “Tussin.”

Be sure to check out the rest of our Gift Lists.

Dear Present Professor,
We have a tradition in our family that we give to charity as a “main” gift, then we exchange small gifts for fun on Christmas Day. In the past we’ve done ornaments, socks, magazines… we’re looking for a new idea this year. Any suggestions?

Thanks!
Casey

First, Casey, Kudos to you and your family for your generosity!

This year, why not let out your inner children for some play time? Classic toys are inexpensive and take you back to a simpler time. Besides, is there an adult equivalence to the sheer awesome, stress-relieving smooshiness of a handful of Play-Doh? To the sense of accomplishment in creating the perfect Etch-A-Sketch work of art? Remember how much fun it was to stick arms and legs and lips and eyes in a Mr. Potato Head and watch a brown glob of plastic come to life? How about a coloring book and a fresh new box of Crayola crayons? Or building your very own mini-LEGO castle? Or taking some Hot Wheels for a spin?

Well, you get the idea. Toys are fun no matter what your age, and there’s great joy to be had in playing with the classics. Just remember, it’s best to share.

1. Magnext 100 Count MagnaCase 360 ($14.99, Amazon)

2. LEGO Pink Brick Box ($14.99, Amazon)

3. Fantasy Blocks From Haba ($36.99, Oompa)

4. Tinkertoy Classic Jumbo Set ($19.99, Amazon)

5. Eames House of Cards ($25-$35, MomaStore.org)

6. LEGO Creator Mini Jet ($4.99, ToysRUs)

Be sure to check out the rest of our Gift Lists.

1. Xbox 360 Cooling Station ($29.99)
For avid gamers who never give their system a break, this cooling station will keep your console properly ventilated. And it glows a really cool green color.

2. Rock Throne Drum Stool ($29.99)
For the Rock Band or Guitar Hero superstar in your life, this drum stool will keep them jamming in comfort. Also consider the Rock Band Drum Silencers ($19.99) because that tap-tap-tapping can get kinda annoying.

3. Boompod Audio Chair (on sale now at Target for $35.00)
This gaming chair has a “rounded bottom for multi-directional tilt” and ports to plug in your gaming system and/or iPod / mp3 player / CD player. It’s kinda like sitting on an exercise ball – work on your balance and your abs while you game!

4. If you have a female gamer on your gift list, head over to Jinx for a large selection of gaming-themed T-shirts. There’s also a great selection of T’s for men, as well as keychains, stickers, hats, and even, um, panties.

5. Etsy also has a number of gamer-themed gifts. Check out some of these stocking-stuffers:

• For the old-timer, Space Invaders Fridge Magnets ($9.99)
• Playstation 3 Controller Tree Ornament ($25.00)
• Xbox 360 Necklace ($15.00)

Of course, you can always just get a game for your gamer. And we’ve got two to give away! Two lucky commenters will win Spectrobes: Beyond the Portals for Nintendo DS. Just leave a comment below. If you want 2 extra entries, subscribe to our RSS feed – and be sure to let us know in your comment that you subscribed!

This contest is now closed.

Be sure to check out the rest of our Gift Lists.

Because, let’s face it, people. Most of us are slobs. Muffin-loving slobs. Muffin-loving, Internet-surfing slobs. Now, give your muffin-loving slobby friend a USB keyboard vac. You plug it directly into your laptop, making it portable, practical, and perfect for stuffing into stockings. And also, for removing stuffing from in between the keys on your keyboard.