Vosges chocolate was at the forefront of the ongoing (and wonderful) bacon renaissance, and they continue to innovate. This year, there’s   bacon chocolate chip mix ($12), bacon caramel toffee (also $12), a flying chocolate pig ($8), and a $62 gift set. Original Mo’s Bacon Bars, in milk and dark chocolate, are $7.50. Mini bars are available for $2.50. Mix and match 6 bars for $12.50. Stack ‘em, wrap ‘em in a ribbon, and give them to your                                                                         foodie friend. Sweet.

This might just be the thing that gets you kids back together. That, and a favorable parole board hearing.

Imagine it’s Christmas Eve, and you’re on your way to a big family dinner, but you’ve been too busy to buy presents because you’re a neurobiologist at Columbia and you’ve been studying proton transfers in the frontal lobe all week. (OK, so maybe there was a little too much back story.) You have an hour to shop. Go. (To kill two birds with one stone, I’ve selected items that are also available on Amazon.com, where you can order through today and still use free super-saver shipping to get your items by December 24.)

1. For Mom, Sis, Cousin Barbara, Unnamed woman with parched hands. . . pamper ‘em all with items from Burt’s Bees — this particular hand care set includes lemon-butter cuticle cream, almond-milk beeswax hand cream, a pair of restorative treatment gloves and a mini-book about hand care. Bees not included, which is good, ’cause, you know, they sting, and honey is sticky, and live bees just don’t make good gifts. ($8.95)

2. For Dad, Aunt Carol, that dude who always has corn in his teeth. . . the Oral B Triumph 9900 Toothbrush with Smart Guide (SRP: $149.99 Amazon:$104.99). This toothbrush eats other toothbrushes for dinner–then brushes its teeth with itself. If Dale Earnhardt Jr. drove a toothbrush instead of a race car, he’d be driving this toothbrush. We’re talking 40,000 in-and-out pulsations a minute. A remote display that shows you how long to brush in each quadrant of your mouth. A sensor to tell you when you’re brushing too hard. And you thought it couldn’t get any better than mint-flavored floss.

3. For anyone who ever gets cold: college students, parents, siblings, grand uncles, misplaced warm-weather penguins. . . Meet the plush throw blanket, my friends. As ubiquitous as it is useful–who doesn’t want an extra blankie to cuddle up with on the couch? Target has them. So does KMart, Kohl’s, Walmart, Macy’s, Bed Bath and Beyond, and just about every other store. In fact, if Gimbel’s hadn’t gone out of business in 1987, they’d be world renowned for their plush throw blankets. I love my Pinzon Microtec Throw from Amazon ($9.99). But you can’t have it. Buy your own!

4. For the young ones, consider some board games. Now, at first they’ll be confused and try to stuff those little Monopoly houses into their Wii consoles. And don’t be surprised if a 3-year-old loses at Chutes and Ladders and calls it an “epic fail.” But nonetheless, this is a great time to introduce your kids (or someone else’s) to games that require no batteries, chargers, or fake guitars, and that can be played over and over again. Games like Cranium Cadoo ($9.99) encourage friendly competition and creative play.

So I’m finally at the register, ready to buy my generic cough medicine and what is now $4,000 worth of gifts for my imaginary neurobiologist to give her imaginary family. One thing that’s not imaginary: The clock. It’s ticking–one week of shopping left!

2. Desert Inspirations Ponytail Palm Bonsai Tree ($49.99, FTD.com)
A tiny little tree. Unfortunately, no tiny little coconuts. This is either a really good idea or a terrible, terrible idea. I’m going to go with “entertaining conversation piece.” It’s just this feeling I have.

3. Zingerman’s Superior Scone Sample ($35, Zingerman’s)
Six scones (two each of three different flavors), plus little jars of preserves and honey. ‘Cause, you know, there’s no place like scone.

4. The Deep: The Extraordinary Creatures of the Abyss ($29.70, Amazon)
Coffee-table book filled with stunning photos of creatures living six miles below the ocean’s surface. Or, you could buy them a really fancy submarine.

5. A personalized photo book from Snapfish
You pick the prints and the layout, add captions, and Snapfish will deliver a professional-looking book starring your parents’ loved ones. (Hopefully, one of them is you.) Starting at $4.99 with abounding options: a leather-covered 12×12 book, for example, starts at $49.99

Be sure to check out the rest of our Gift Lists.

Dear Present Professor,
We have a tradition in our family that we give to charity as a “main” gift, then we exchange small gifts for fun on Christmas Day. In the past we’ve done ornaments, socks, magazines… we’re looking for a new idea this year. Any suggestions?

Thanks!
Casey

First, Casey, Kudos to you and your family for your generosity!

This year, why not let out your inner children for some play time? Classic toys are inexpensive and take you back to a simpler time. Besides, is there an adult equivalence to the sheer awesome, stress-relieving smooshiness of a handful of Play-Doh? To the sense of accomplishment in creating the perfect Etch-A-Sketch work of art? Remember how much fun it was to stick arms and legs and lips and eyes in a Mr. Potato Head and watch a brown glob of plastic come to life? How about a coloring book and a fresh new box of Crayola crayons? Or building your very own mini-LEGO castle? Or taking some Hot Wheels for a spin?

Well, you get the idea. Toys are fun no matter what your age, and there’s great joy to be had in playing with the classics. Just remember, it’s best to share.

No, you don’t remember? Well, maybe you know someone who does. And that someone would probably enjoy the Holiday Treats DVD ($9.99), featuring classic Christmas episodes of I Love Lucy, The Honeymooners, Brady Bunch, Family Ties, Taxi, and more.

Sadly, “A Very Alf Christmas” is not included. In fact, I’m not sure that Alf ever had a Christmas episode. Dang, I miss Alf.

The coffee brews directly into a travel mug, perfect for those 8:30 classes. Add a pound of coffee to sweeten the deal.

By the way, hearing the term “Brew and Go” totally makes me think of The Sound of Music. You know, in Edelweiss, when Captain Von Trapp sings, “Blossom of snow, may you brew and go? Brew and go forever.” Oh, wait. That was “bloom and grow.” Live and learn. And do click on that Sound of Music link to watch a YouTube video of John Denver and Julie Andrews in a rare duet.

2. iPod Shuffle, $50

Yes, they may already have a bigger, prettier iPod. But these lil’ guys are great for working out and traveling.

3. Darts! Calendar 2009, $10.19

With magnetic darts and 12 different boards (one for each month, see?).

4. The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2008 , $11.20

Collection of news stories, fiction, police blotters, and more hidden gems of writing.

5. Pail of 6 Christmas chocolate-covered fortune cookies, $12.50

Non-Christmas options also available.

Choose from shave kit (shave creme, face wash, and lotion + mini body kit and travel bag, in Signature Mint scent) or body kit (body wash, cleansing body bar, and lotion + mini shave kit and travel bag, in Cedarwood scent), $10 at Every Man Jack. Available for a limited time in Target stores.

Not available this year: Turkey and Gravy. No, seriously, that used to be one of their flavors. Of SODA.

$5 for single-flavor bottles of 4, exclusively at Target stores.