The kazoo even comes with a 34-page instruction book. Perfect for the aspiring professional Kazooer. Kazooist? Oh, who am I kidding? That’s not a real job.

Band in a Bucket Holiday Edition, $19.99 at Toys R Us.

Also shown: First Act Percussion Pack, $29.99 at Toys R Us.

Vosges chocolate was at the forefront of the ongoing (and wonderful) bacon renaissance, and they continue to innovate. This year, there’s   bacon chocolate chip mix ($12), bacon caramel toffee (also $12), a flying chocolate pig ($8), and a $62 gift set. Original Mo’s Bacon Bars, in milk and dark chocolate, are $7.50. Mini bars are available for $2.50. Mix and match 6 bars for $12.50. Stack ‘em, wrap ‘em in a ribbon, and give them to your                                                                         foodie friend. Sweet.

Remember how annoyed you were to have to listen to this person talk and talk and talk and then have that horrible, horrible song stuck in your head? Next time, give that friend the  Nightmare Snatcher Journal by Spiderbite, where she can write down all her worst night frights in the pages of a fuzzy notebook with eyes and a mouth.

You might also want to give her the name of a good psychotherapist. ‘Cause anyone who dreams about Corey Feldman is probably in a very dark place.

From $25, on Etsy.com

The set of 24 blocks in walnut, maplele, and cherry comes boxed and ready to give. And as with every purchase made from Little Sapling Toys, a tree will be planted for every purchase made. Your day to water it is Tuesday.

Block set from Little Sapling Toys, $20+ shipping.

*Parental assembly meltdown

Prices vary based on number of cookies; $51.99 as pictured. Prices range from $7.25 (one cookie) to $88.99 (12 cookies)

I know I’ve been gone for a while. . . let’s call it winter vacation at Gift U. I hope everyone had a great holiday and that you found some great gift ideas here (or elsewhere). What was everyone’s favorite gift to give/receive? I’ll start. . .

I know I’ve mentioned Savor, a popular Etsy soap shop, many, many times, but I simply love soapstress Lisa’s “Creme Fraiche”–whipped soap in a jar available in scrumptious flavors like Blood Orange Granita and Creme Brulee. Lisa’s inventory is constantly changing–you can find a calendar of her upcoming listings here. I bought several mini-sized Creme Fraiche–they are a perfect air-travel appropriate 2 ounces each–for my mother and sister for Chanukah, and they were a big hit. I definitely plan on giving more of these as gifts this year. ($4 for minis, $11 for most 8-ounce jars)

My sister really liked her copy of Here’s the Story: Surviving Marsha Brady and Finding My True Voice by Maureen McCormick ($17.13, Amazon). I’m hoping it will be followed by Pork Chopsh and Applesawce: Peter Brady Speaks Out, but I won’t hold my breath.

As for myself, I think my favorite gift (other than the Toshiba laptop I purchased with my gelt) was the giant ceramic mug I requested at the last minute. If you know someone who always seems to have a mug of tea or coffee or cocoa or Postum or hot Pepsi or whatever floats their boat, a giant mug for oversized beverages are great. (You can find many hand-thrown ones on ETSY; you can also find ceramic mugs at any grocery store, drug store, Target, etc.)

The gift that may have changed my life the most, though, is the Peek my father gave my mother.  The Peek ($79.99)  is a portable device for e-mail, and nothing else–no phone calls, no Internet, no games, no airbags, no espresso maker, no time machine. . . you get the idea. Service costs $19.99 a month. Why has this changed my life? Because now my mother can e-mail me any mundane message she wants, from “I’m heading to the butcher and I hope they have cornish game hens” to “Please e-mail your father to let him know who played Rooster in Annie; also, who played Daddy Warbucks.” (Answers: Tim Curry, and Albert Finney. DUH.)

Please, people. Don’t put this technology in the wrong hands.

In the coming weeks, follow Present Professor as we switch gears to Valentine’s Day, Presidents’ Day, SuperBowl Sunday (ok, some of these aren’t gift-giving holidays, unless you’re a president) as well as great ideas for the everday gift-requisite events in your life. Also look for the return of the giveaway. . . and don’t forget to Ask Present Professor if you need a great gift idea. Have a great 2009!

2. Compartmentalized container (like this one from Organized Living, but also available at most craft stores), decorated by your child and filled with pens, paper clips, rubber bands, push pins, etc. A lot of teachers will tell you that homemade gifts are the best. Then again, a lot of teachers won’t.

3. A teacher can only have so many shower gels, desk calendars and coffee mugs. And any teacher will tell you that apple-shaped gifts should be outlawed. Why not give the gift of charity? Donate to a charity you think the teacher would appreciate, or donate books or software to the classroom in the teacher’s name. You might also ask the teacher what supplies you can donate to the class, since many teachers spend a lot of money out of their own pockets for classroom supplies.

4. Give a “movie night” theme gift. Pair a theater gift card or a short-term Netflix subscription with some specialty popcorn or candy.

5. If the teacher seems to like plants, buy a small plant and attach a drawing or note from the child telling the teacher what she means to him. At the bottom, write “Thanks for helping me grow.”

Be sure to check our other Gift Lists.

Audra writes. . .
I need a Xmas gift idea for my sister. She is 31 years old and the mother of a two-year old. She lives on her own with the baby, loves to clean, loves to have great hair, and likes jewelry/earrings, shoes, pocketbooks, etc. Very girly-girl.

After an e-mail exchange with Audra, I learned that her sister truly does love cleaning. (When can she come over and clean this cesspool I call home, I wonder?) I suggested buying Sis this Dirt Devil Kone Cordless Hand Vacuum ($27.97 at Amazon). It’s almost like a Transformer, only instead of transforming from Shia Labeouf’s car into a warrior robot, it transforms from a stylish work of art into a handy hand vac.

Pair the Kone with some Lavender Home Perfume from L’OCCITANE ($23). Because what good is a clean home without the calming aroma of lavender and vanilla?